'She is in poor health and owns a home with a reverse mortgage that has been used to help pay for her caregivers'

"I want to honor her wishes regarding her burial, which she has already prepaid, but I'm concerned about the responsibilities involved with administering the estate." (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

I have a friend in Illinois who has given me power of attorney and named me the executor of her will. She is on Medicaid, is in poor health and owns a home with a reverse mortgage that has been used to help pay for her caregivers. There isn't much equity left in the home, but that's a separate issue.

I'm also concerned about what would happen if she falls behind on paying the property taxes or homeowners insurance. If she passes away, I expect the house will have to be sold to repay the reverse mortgage, and there may not be much, if any, value left in the estate. The house isn't in great condition, although it's located in a very desirable neighborhood.

I never wanted to be the executor of her estate, but she pleaded with me because she has no close family or friends, so I agreed. The challenge is that I live out of state, so everything would have to be handled remotely. She does have an attorney who drafted her will. The will leaves me a small bequest, along with gifts to several other people whom I don't know.

I want to honor her wishes regarding her burial, which she has already prepaid, but I'm concerned about the responsibilities involved with administering the estate. I handled my brother's estate several years ago, and it was extremely time-consuming and expensive, even with the assistance of an attorney.

After making sure her funeral arrangements are carried out, can I decline or resign from serving as executor, or would I still be legally obligated to administer the estate?

Unwilling Executor

Related: 'I am at a loss': My brother is dying. We are not close. What responsibility do I have to help him?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial to and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

You can maintain the status quo, arrange her funeral, and decline executor duties.

Dear Unwilling,

The lesson here is never say yes when you want to say no.

Your friend, of course, should have accepted your first answer. Pleading with you until you agreed, even though she is sick, was not the correct way to approach your friendship. Not everyone has the ability to accept no as an answer, but it's important to hold your ground.

Having power of attorney for her does not obligate you to act as executor. The authority your friend's power of attorney gives you ends the moment she dies. From that point forward, only a court-appointed executor or administrator has the authority to act for the estate.

In your friend's defense, she is sick and feels desperate. However, there are others who could serve as executor, including her attorney, a professional fiduciary or a bank or trust company. It may be that your friend believes there won't be enough money left in her estate to pay the executor.

Generally, an executor is paid - depending on the state - anywhere from 3% to 5% of the first $100,000, and then lower percentages on the remaining amount of the estate. In this case, there may not be $100,000 left after all the bills are paid.

Given that your friend already has an attorney, this would be a good time to tell her and her attorney that you no longer wish to serve as executor. If she is still of sound mind, she can amend her will and nominate someone else. In an ideal world, that's the way forward.

If you say no now, however, you may feel your friend's wrath ("You said yes, how could you do this?" or "What am I going to do now? You have got to say yes"). There is a line when desperation turns into bullying. Alternatively, you can maintain the status quo and later decline executor duties.

You can generally do that after the fact, as long as you have not already begun carrying out executor duties or accepted the role of executor from the probate court. Carrying out your friend's prepaid burial wishes does not mean you've accepted the role of executor.

Legal jeopardy

In Illinois, you need to file a formal document - a Renunciation of Nominated Executor or Renunciation of Right to Act - with the county probate court. Please do this as soon as possible and, crucially, before you take any formal actions to manage the estate.

An executor's duties are not insignificant, and they come with legal jeopardy, so your friend's ask is a big one. As executor, you would be responsible for administering the estate from start to finish.

In fact, estates with little or no money can sometimes be the most difficult to administer because debts, creditors and property issues still have to be addressed. As a Plan B, you could also ask your friend to appoint a co-executor or a secondary executor.

Typical duties include locating and protecting the deceased person's assets, opening the probate case, identifying and valuing probate assets, notifying creditors and handling their claims, defending the will if it is contested, paying any taxes and valid debts and distributing all remaining assets.

Given that you don't live in the same state as your friend, it would be impractical to act as executor. If you have an original copy of your friend's will, under Illinois law, you should submit that to the probate court in your friend's county after she passes away.

There's no perfect answer to an imperfect situation. Your friend appears to have a lot of anxiety about her estate after she's gone, and she either did not hear or did not respect your first answer. Her estate will be probated, one way or another.

You could encourage her to distribute any items of sentimental value now, but from what you say, after her house is sold there will be very little left. I don't think you are doing her a disservice by passing on executor duties after she's gone.

It will be an easier process if the executor lives in her home state.

Related: 'They are relentless': A scammer is trying to change the email on my empty Robinhood account. What do they have to gain?

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'They cut off online access': My mother's bank balance plummeted after her death. What's going on?

'It's heartbreaking': My brother claimed Social Security at 70. He died from cancer after one payment. Why wait to claim?

'I don't want to sound callous': Why base your Social Security claim on life expectancy? We could die at any time.

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-Quentin Fottrell