'She struggled with the thought of leaving everything to people who, in her eyes, had never made much time for her'

"Just last month, she drove four days to visit her grandchildren. She came home feeling as though she had been ignored for most of the visit." (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

Today, I am in mourning. My best friend passed away unexpectedly this week.

I'm writing this because last night I found myself going through some of our old text messages. Earlier this month, we had talked about the fact that she still didn't have a will. She had been putting it off for years.

I believe part of the reason was her children. She loved them deeply, but she had also been hurt by them for a long time. She struggled with the thought of leaving everything to people who, in her eyes, had never made much time for her.

Just last month, she drove four days to visit her grandchildren. She came home feeling as though she had been ignored for most of the visit. Sadly, it wasn't the first time. She always hoped things would be different, and too often, they weren't.

She had told me that she wanted her estate donated instead. We talked about it again last December, after she had been hurt by being snubbed over the holidays. She was a thrifty person who rarely spent money on herself.

She worked hard, saved what she could, and had hopes for what she wanted to happen with what she left behind. Now she is gone, there is an estate, and there is no will to clearly say where she wanted it to go.

And sadly, her family was already at her house the day after her body was found. I'm sharing this not to judge anyone, but because I wish with all my heart that she had taken the time to put her wishes in writing. Please don't let this happen to you.

If you have children, grandchildren, siblings, a partner, property, savings or anything else, please make a will. Don't keep putting it off. Tell someone you trust where it is, and make sure the original is stored somewhere safe and accessible.

If your state allows wills to be registered, consider registering yours. None of us knows how much time we have. And sometimes, the hardest thing we can do for the people and causes we care about is make those decisions while we are still here.

My heart is broken that my friend didn't get that chance. I hope her story encourages someone else to take care of this now.

A Heartbroken Friend

Related: 'Buy a yacht,' he told me. My fiancé, 67, is cutting his kids out of his will - and leaving everything to me. Should I be suspicious?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Beneficiary designations are a low-impact way of passing on assets.

Dear Friend,

This is an all-too-common tale.

As much as it pains you to see her children, whom you and your friend viewed as disrespectful and/or disinterested, it may be that your friend was on the fence about disinheriting her children, and the message that would leave behind, especially given that she was a caring and thoughtful soul. It may also be, as you say, that she never got around to finalizing her wishes.

Beneficiary designations are a low-impact way of passing on assets, and can often be done online with a click of a mouse. This works for everything from bank accounts to life-insurance policies to retirement accounts. You can also add a transfer-on-death deed to your home. It means that the asset avoids probate - a public accounting of your estate.

Procrastination is the No. 1 reason people don't make a will.

But she's not alone, not by a long shot. Only about a quarter of Americans said they had written a last will and testament, at least according to this survey released by Caring.com last year; that's down from 33% in 2022. Like your friend, they will tell themselves that they will get around to it, but the afterlife can catch up to them first.

Procrastination is the biggest reason people don't make a will. About 43% of those surveyed said they simply haven't gotten around to it, much like your dear friend, while many also feel estate planning isn't a priority or that they don't have enough assets. And among people who do have wills, 62% updated them within the past five years.

Major life changes - an increase in wealth, a purchase of property, a marriage or the welcoming of a child or children - were common reasons for updating their wills. But there is a desire to make a will, even if they don't get around to it: 20% of those without a will say they have at least talked to a loved one about their wishes. But talk doesn't get the job done, alas.

Related: 'There is considerable tension': My grandmother, 99, wants to cut my mother out of her will. Should I intervene?

Horror stories

Obviously, making a will affords some control over all your hard-earned money after you're gone. If you die intestate - without a will - the state's laws will take precedence. This is particularly hard to swallow if there are children who have not treated a parent well or if a second spouse inherits the lion's share of an estate, to the detriment of the children.

"There isn't an estate planning attorney alive who doesn't have horror stories of what happens to families when a loved one doesn't have a will," according to this warning from The Werner Law Firm, which has offices across California. "The person without a will leaves behind a mess for loved ones to take care of, including the risk of minor children being placed in foster care."

Grief has a funny way of finding ways to keep us holding on.

"Family conflict is more likely to occur, probate can drag on for months or years and take a big bite out of your estate's value," the law firm adds. "If you don't have an estate plan with medical directives, you might be kept alive by artificial means, even if you've told everyone in the family you don't want this to happen."

For anyone out there who does want to leave their estate to charity, be careful about which charitable donations you choose. You don't want your precious donations to be swallowed up by administrative fees. Guidestar.org, Charitynavigator.org and Give.org, which is affiliated with the Better Business Bureau, all aim to help donors give wisely.

Your friend, I am sure, would appreciate that you wanted the best for her, and for her estate. Thank you for raising an issue that is always timely, and for caring so much about your friend's wishes. I'm sure she would want you to live your best life, and not dwell on the financial aspect of her death. Grief has a funny way of finding ways to keep us holding on.

Let go, if you can, and remember the good times.

Don't miss: 'I don't want to end up with stalkers': Should I tell my heirs that I'm writing a will and how much they can expect to inherit?

By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

'We are committed Christians': Our son and daughter-in-law cut us off over politics. Should we change our $3 million will?

'It's the ultimate regifting': My mom gave me a house. Should I transfer it back to her to reduce capital gains?

'I want to do what is right': My father died without a will. His wife moved out of state - and left me paying the mortgage.

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-Quentin Fottrell