Misbehaving MPs, right-wing foot fetishists and a Kate Spade handbag. Catch up on the latest gossip in this week’s edition of The Capitalist

1987 and all that 

The City might be getting younger and younger but for those keen to understand how things used to be, we’re happy to commend Paul Mitchell’s novel, 1987. The (mostly) fictional account of long lunches, bold trading, drug taking and money making in the post Big Bang Square Mile is something of a mash-up between the BBC’s Industry and the Jilly Cooper Disney+ adaptation, Rivals. The punchy account of City life before HR intervened might trigger nostalgia among The Capitalist’s older readers but will probably horrify their more wholesome Gen Z successors.

Westminster’s HR headaches

Speaking of HR, the Square Mile has its fair share of staffing headaches but nothing, it seems, compared to what goes on in Westminster. Simon Hart has published a diary of his time as chief whip ahead of last year’s general election and it’s eyebrow-raising stuff. He recounts advisers involved in weekend orgies, MPs demanding peerages in return for giving up safe seats and even once being woken up at 2.45am by an honourable member who was stuck in a brothel in Bayswater and had run out of money. Voters really should do their due diligence before electing these people.

Fund and games

The government likes to pretend that it has a sovereign wealth fund, dubbed the National Wealth Fund, even though they’ve simply rebadged the British Infrastructure Bank. The institution is in effect a quango, handing out public cash, and ministers must look enviously at Norway’s £1.4 trillion Government Pension Fund Global, the largest sovereign wealth fund in the world. Applications have opened for the fund’s CEO role, with anyone being able to apply. Shop workers, teenagers and a comedian have all tried their luck, but The Capitalist doesn’t fancy their chances since incumbent Nicolai Tangen has reapplied, straight off the back of delivering a record £178 billion profit last year.

Bag lady

The Capitalist is outraged by reports that Rachel Reeves may have incorrectly claimed gifts, including a handbag, in a previous role. What self-respecting bank employee would sport a handbag that only cost £49? As one City comms professional put it “It’s a dreadful price point – both £500 and £5 would be preferable”. Our researches indicate that the Chancellor herself favours a £250 red Kate Spade number, not dissimilar in style to the Budget box – perhaps her first foray into her fake it til you make it career campaign.

Beefsteak and liberty

Right-wingers have been gathering to warn about the downfall of Western civilisation at the ExCel centre this week. Speakers at the Alliance for Responsible Citizenship conference – an organisation founded by Jordan Peterson – include Kemi Badenoch, Nigel Farage and Vivek Ramaswamy. One source told The Capitalist that “ARC is a bizarre contrast between ageing establishment Tories defending a nebulous classical liberalism that was outdated a decade ago, and the coming generation young and very online politicos, hacks, and foot fetishists,” while another disgruntled attendee commented that “there is no bar”. Fortunately The Critic magazine stepped in to host afters at the Beefsteak Club, where Michael Gove, Douglas Murray, David Starkey and City AM columnist James Price were spotted sipping white wine and complaining about the Conservative Party.