'We have $2 million saved in our retirement accounts and a house worth $1.3 million'

"Our adviser says we can spend $110,000 a year, adjusted for inflation, when our pension and Social Security are included. My estimate is closer to $200,000." (Photo subjects are models.)

Dear Quentin,

My husband and I are both 64, married almost 35 years, and we are planning to retire within the year, all going well. We have $2 million in our retirement accounts and a house worth $1.3 million with roughly $150,000 left on the mortgage, and no significant debt. He'll get a $38,000 pension, and we'll both get Social Security. Our daughter is 33, and she lives with her child.

I'm not saying we're rich, but we've done OK. We saved, we put things off - including expensive cruises and a new kitchen - and I now want to use some of our life's savings to improve our quality of life and enjoy it. My mother retired at 66 and died 14 months later. I'm not saying that will happen to us, but it's a sobering reminder of what can happen.

Here's my dream retirement, as I see it anyway: A few weeks in Europe every year, a couple of nice cruises perhaps and, ideally, a small condo near the beach for the winter where we can chill out and read and entertain friends and family from time to time. I believe all of this is very doable - but he calls my plans a fantasy.

A $14,000 cruise

Our adviser says we can spend $110,000 a year, adjusted for inflation, when our pension and Social Security are included. My estimate is closer to $200,000, which includes $45,000 for travel, $18,000 for dining and entertainment, and the rest for the beach. I'd spend more early and less later, and we could sell the house eventually.

He wants to sell now and buy something for half the price. It's true that we don't use all of our four bedrooms and the upkeep is a pain. But we've lived in this house for 25 years. My friends are close by, I have a community in this neighborhood, and our daughter and our grandchildren drop by from time to time. I don't want to give up that so we can afford nicer hotels.

But nor do I want us to be forced to fly economy every time we travel, stay in bargain-basement hotels and always have to look at the prices on every menu we browse. I'm the spender, I suppose, and he's a saver - but he also has a new car, plays golf twice a week and just dropped $6,000 on a home theater system so he can watch his game.

Last week, I suggested a $14,000 cruise for our wedding anniversary. He was not keen on the idea, and has been dragging his feet. I don't want to be reckless with our money, but I do want to enjoy it. What happens when we're in our 80s and can't afford travel insurance or don't have the health to keep traveling? We are at odds, and we have not even retired yet.

Who is being unreasonable here?

Married for 25 Years

Related: 'It feels like he's quietly building a separate life': My husband inherited $500,000, but he refuses to spend it on our home

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Get your Xbox out, because you're asking for trouble by prescribing such a detailed, immovable retirement.

Dear Married,

The clue is the word "fantasy." That should tell you everything you need to know.

Your finances are solid; your imaginary retirement is more of a problem. The issue, as I see it, is that you are doing what kids do when they play video games: You are world-building. You are looking at your retirement accounts and finances, and you are building an entire world around them - a condo by the beach, twice-a-year cruises, and you are even passing judgment on how much attention you should give menu prices when you eat out.

Get your Xbox out, because you're asking for trouble by prescribing such a detailed, immovable retirement. It's too much - honestly, it's exhausting just reading it. You are setting yourself up to fail by presenting your vision as a fait accompli. Your husband wants to feel like he has input, but he also needs to feel comfortable with spending money if he's truly going to enjoy it. If he doesn't enjoy your retirement, nor will you.

Your husband wants to feel like he has input.

I would also forecast your spending based on what you are comfortable withdrawing from your retirement accounts every year, instead of reverse-engineering your retirement based on what you want to spend your money on. I'm going to assume you will end up collecting $6,000 collectively every month from Social Security, and I'll add another $3,000 for your husband's pension (based on your own estimate). That gives you $110,000 in guaranteed income.

Try not to look at your plans as if "you keep your house" or "your husband decides to sell" and one of you is unreasonable. You are both trying to make sure your retirement income matches your lifestyle. That should: a) be a joint endeavor, b) involve third-party mediation from a financial adviser, and c) take into account your guaranteed and investment income and also your risk tolerance. Deciding on a laundry list of "musts" and working your way back is not ideal.

Your mother's life story is worth noting. You absolutely want to have the health and mobility to enjoy your retirement, and this may involve planning to spend more money early in your retirement when you are fit and healthy, and saving your money and leaving a legacy for your daughter. Your current health is a "known-known." Your savings should provide a balance between financial security and enjoying the fruits of your labor while you can.

Don't miss: Two months after my father's funeral, my stepmother asked me to repay his $40,000 wedding gift. Should I do what she says?

Settling on an annual income

Let's say you have a combined Social Security income of $72,000 plus the $38,000 pension, and choose a 4% withdrawal rate from your retirement accounts in the first year of retirement, adjusting for inflation in subsequent years - in line with retirement-planning guidelines often cited by wealth managers. That would give you an investment income of $80,000 a year, slightly shy of your $200,000 wish list.

You have a few unknowns: The stock market may experience a correction and, in that case, you don't want to be tied into taking 4% of your investments when you're in a down market (known as sequence-of-returns risk), especially early in your retirement. That would leave you less money in years to come to rely upon. Secondly, you still have the last few years of your mortgage to pay off, and you don't mention whether you have long-term-care insurance.

You don't have to impress anyone, least of all each other.

You want a $200,000-a-year retirement. Your adviser says you can comfortably spend $110,000 a year. I'm puzzled by the difference between these two projections. That's a $90,000 difference, after all, and I believe it would be unwise to gloss over. Does your adviser's projection include taxes, healthcare, home maintenance and travel? Does the $110,000 estimate assume you keep your current house or downsize? Does yours?

There's a vast middle ground in your virtual retirement video game between being reckless with your money and enjoying it. In level 1 of your Xbox retirement, perhaps you get to maintain the lifestyle you have, take a more modest cruise to celebrate your wedding anniversary, and not make any big-ticket purchases (like a condo). Instead, you rent an Airbnb (ABNB) in the coastal community where you fancy buying a place, if you decide to downsize later on.

You don't have to impress anyone, least of all each other, by staying in five-star hotels and eating in expensive Michelin-starred restaurants. Your enjoyment has, in many respects, little to do with how much money you spend. It has more to do with having shared goals, feeling comfortable with your expenditures and knowing you have a safe and happy home that you both love to return to when you get back from your cruise.

P.S. Happy Anniversary! Enjoy the ride, the Xbox and the compromises.

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-Quentin Fottrell