By Natasha Dangoor

Over dinner on a recent spring evening, Rachel Green listened patiently as her friend droned on about needing a permanent job. Then she erupted.

"You're about to buy an apartment with your long-term boyfriend," 24-year-old Green reminded her companion. "Meanwhile, I've just come out of a six-month situationship."

Gen Z came of age in a swipe-right world, where instant access to dates further blurred the lines between friendships, hookups and full-fledged relationships. The loose nature of these situationships, romantic entanglements that exist somewhere between friendship and fidelity, was meant to limit fallout and maybe even help couples take baby steps toward commitment.

Dating in such a gray area has instead left many in the dark, especially when things fall apart. And zoomers have just about had enough of situationships, which they say are marked by a sense of confusion and rejection that extends long after they're supposedly over.

Green and the man she was in a situationship with had stayed at each other's apartments, eaten together in restaurants and met each other's friends. But they didn't celebrate relationship milestones or go on vacation together, because that would have removed the spontaneity.

"There's a feeling of constant rejection throughout the situationship because one person does not want to fully commit -- otherwise it would become a relationship," said Green, who lives in London. "But the adrenaline and sense of reward when it is going well can be addictive."

Excitement also drew Daniel Robison into a situationship at 25. "The places we went to were flashy. His friends were cool," the millennial Atlanta-based filmmaker recalled.

Eventually, the illusion faded. "Part of the chemistry was just running on guessing fumes," he said.

After years of burying his feelings, Robison decided it was time to leave the situationship behind after the pair went out for dinner and he was expected to split the bill. "I wanted him to take care of me," Robison said.

Now, he says, his dating life isn't nearly as lively, but it's gotten a lot more intentional. "I am no longer offering myself in half-portions," he said.

From the courtly rituals of the Gilded Age to the speakeasy romances of the Roaring '20s and the free love movement of the '60s, dating norms are always evolving . But one theme has taken hold in modern life: the decline of romantic commitments earlier in life. A 2023 report by the Survey Center on American Life found that only 56% of Gen Z adults had a boyfriend or girlfriend during their teen years, compared with 69% of millennials, 76% of Generation X and 78% of baby boomers.

For some, the shift away from traditional relationships has been a positive choice. Evie Heathcock, a university student in the U.K., entered several situationships during her time living abroad.

"Not every connection has to be with a soul mate or last forever," she said. "Sometimes you have a situation that works well for that moment in your lives, but you know that you wouldn't be compatible long term."

But the ambiguous nature of dating today means that some Gen Z daters don't understand their status themselves.

"I'm often the one to tell one of my clients or audience that they're even in a situationship," said Abby Medcalf, a psychologist and relationship expert based in Berkeley, Calif.

She noted that so much of what young people do, including dating, is plagued by fear and anxiety. When people act on feelings instead of logic, they end up -- consciously or unconsciously -- feeling something unwanted: lonely, bored, rejected, sad or abandoned. "They reach out to this uncertain thing that's like cotton candy -- lots to see on the outside but it definitely doesn't fill you up if you were hungry," Medcalf said.

Grace Elmore, a senior at Cornell University, spent three months trapped in what she dubbed an "emotional-codependency situationship."

She was fresh out of a long-term relationship, and the man she was seeing said he was too. What started out as a quick fix for her loneliness developed into emotional attachment. She wanted more. He didn't; it turned out he had a girlfriend who was living abroad.

Looking back, Elmore says there is no outcome where both parties emerge unscathed.

"Situationships exist on a sliding scale between two mindsets: you're either in the situationship purely for sex but not looking for emotional attachment, or you want emotional intimacy but not sex," she said. "If you're looking for both -- news flash! -- you're actually just looking for a relationship but don't want to call it that."

Even experts get caught off guard by how sticky situationships can be.

Julie Nguyen, who works as a love coach in Los Angeles, endured a tortured end to a situationship when she turned 30.

"We never talked about our feelings or even when we'd see each other next because we were so caught up having fun," Nguyen said of the mathematician she had been seeing.

When it ended, she had no closure or clarity. Just a lingering question: What were we?

Now, Nguyen recognizes the importance of entering a situationship with clear intentions. "If you start developing deeper feelings, don't shy away from having an honest conversation about where you stand," she said. "Even if it risks losing the connection, your emotional clarity and self-respect matter more."

Some Gen Z daters are leaving casual behind altogether, turning to matchmaking, speed dating and more intentional options instead. Erika Kaplan, a dating coach and matchmaker based in Los Angeles, said more singles "want to cut out the noise and connect with people who have shrewd goals from the start."

Gabi Conti, a millennial author, spent all of her 20s in a situationship. "I called him 'the guy I always went back to,' " she said. "It wasn't until I was in my first real adult relationship with someone who proudly called me his girlfriend, introduced me to his parents and asked me to move in with him that I saw my situationship for what it really was: A fantasy."

As for Green, fresh from her own situationship, she says she's done with them. "Wanna put my number at the bottom?" she suggested. "In case someone wants to help me never get into one again."

Write to Natasha Dangoor at natasha.dangoor@wsj.com

(END) Dow Jones Newswires

April 02, 2025 05:30 ET (09:30 GMT)

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