MW 'She's young enough to be his granddaughter': My dad, 85, is being seduced by his caregiver. What can I do?

By Quentin Fottrell

'He is of sound mind, but he might succumb to someone who offers him companionship'

She will have financial security and won't have to work so hard if she succeeds in her plans to seduce my dad." (Photo subjects are models.)

Dear Quentin,

I lost my mother 11 months ago. My parents were married for 61 years. My dad is 85 and has his mind, but he's physically disabled and not able to keep his house up. So he hired this helper to do household chores, cooking and for companionship part time. A relationship is developing with this woman; she is young enough to be his granddaughter.

She is acting interested in him. He's flattered, but he is lonely. He and my mom made a will online that they notarized a few years ago, but I've been meaning to get a real elder-care attorney to make a new will or trust. How do I set it up to help protect his assets from possibly someone who is conning him?

He is of sound mind, but he might succumb to someone who offers him companionship, and helps him with his physical needs until he passes, possibly in the next few years. She works 16-hour days caregiving for another family and three hours a day for my dad. She will have financial security and won't have to work so hard if she succeeds in her plans to seduce my dad.

The Daughter

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

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It's smart to be prepared, but it's also important to be fair to the caregiver in question.

Dear Daughter,

You are all still grieving.

That can make people vulnerable, and it can also make well-intentioned children overprotective.

The more involved you are in your father's life, the less likely any bad actors will take advantage of him. That includes caregivers, neighbors or even nursing homes. If this woman is the only regular person in your father's life, and she is taking care of him and showing him kindness during those three hours a day, it would seem unlikely for him to not form an attachment.

There's a lot you can do to safeguard your father's finances. You could request to hold his power of attorney over his financial and medical affairs, and also help with his estate planning and/or call his bank and ask them to alert you to any unusual transactions, and carry out a deep clean of his house so you can excavate any cash piles. Remember, he must willingly and knowingly grant it.

There are more general steps you can take. You could also inform him that it might be wise to freeze his credit at Experian (EXPGF), TransUnion (TRU) and Equifax $(EFX)$, so no one can set up an account or take out a credit card in his name. In addition, you can organize his documents, including his Social Security number, bank statements, life-insurance policies, will and other legal documents in a safe place.

It's important to strike a balance between oversight and too much control. These avenues are for situations where you see clear evidence of exploitation: The National Careline offers, among other organizations, advice on next steps, including contacting the local council and reporting the issue to her local Adult Protective Services, District Attorney's office, and/or to the police or sheriff's office. Find your local APS here.

Oversight versus control

Oversight is healthy; too much of that could be controlling. Your father may not have as many social outlets as he used to have. He recently lost his wife. Playing devil's advocate: He may be responding to a new person in his home who is being kind and helpful. What you see as nefarious he may regard as a welcome respite to months of unwelcome change.

The Slater Law Office in Carmel, Ind., outlines signs of potential financial exploitation. They include "unexplained withdrawals or transfers from bank accounts; sudden changes to wills, trusts or beneficiary designations; bills going unpaid; confusion about financial transactions; isolation from family members or reluctance to discuss money."

"Some individuals may gain access to an elderly person's bank accounts, pressure them into changing estate plans or manipulate them into giving away assets," it says. "Scammers often target seniors with fraudulent investment opportunities or make deceptive phone calls posing as government agencies or fake charities."And yes: "Even trusted individuals like caregivers or family members may manipulate elderly individuals into giving money away," the law firm adds. "Placing assets in a properly structured trust can protect them from fraud and undue influence. In cases of diminished capacity, legal guardianship may be necessary to prevent financial abuse."

Unconscious bias

Your concerns appear to relate as much to your fears about a possible romantic entanglement or financial commitment - possibly even proposal of marriage - where your father's caretaker inherits his estate, as they seem to relate to a stranger in your father's house gaining access to his confidence and confidential information. It's smart to be prepared, but it's also important to be fair to the caregiver in question.

I also have questions for you about conscious or unconscious bias: What actual evidence do you have that this woman is trying to seduce your father? If he talks about her in glowing terms, it does not necessarily mean that he is falling in love with her or that she is attempting to inveigle her way into his life by nefarious means. Could this kind behavior be misinterpreted as flirting? How much of your suspicions are rooted in fears rather than reality?

You write, "She is acting interested in him." You don't give any specifics. Your suspicions could be correct, but have you considered that you may be mistaking her bedside manner for something else instead? Has she, for instance, spoken about needing money for other reasons - to send home to family or to take a trip home at Christmas that she cannot, perhaps, otherwise afford?

You also write, "He might succumb..." Has she, in fact, crossed a line and told your father that she is lonely? Have they shared a glass of wine or two? Have personal boundaries been crossed? Your father is an adult. On the other hand, he is in a vulnerable position physically and emotionally. I just want to be sure that you are not projecting your own fears onto a situation where there is already an imbalance of power and economics.

In other words, I want to be fair to your father, you and your father's caretaker.

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More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

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'Our mom is fuming': Defying our dying mother's wishes, our dad is leaving our family's money to his church. How do we stop him?

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-Quentin Fottrell

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December 05, 2025 19:15 ET (00:15 GMT)

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