MW I'm 46 and I'm still use my ex-boyfriend's Netflix account. Is that stealing?

By Quentin Fottrell

'I'm still renting, believe it or not, and he has his own place'

"I felt obliged to make it work, especially given the gifts and time he invested." (Photo subject is a model.)

Dear Quentin,

I recently split with my boyfriend.

We dated for about seven months, and it was pretty intense from the very beginning. Our first date lasted an entire weekend. It was exciting, like a movie. But also every time I suggested ending the date, he had another suggestion. It went on and on for, I'm not kidding, six hours or more. Two days later, he dropped a collection of Jo Malone perfume at my apartment.

That was an expensive gift, but I was overwhelmed and, if I'm honest, flattered. I'm 46. He is 57. Anyway, to cut a long story short: I felt obliged to make it work, especially given the gifts and time he invested. This included sharing several passwords on his streaming services (Disney $(DIS)$ and Netflix $(NFLX)$, in particular). I still sneak the occasional TV series or movie using his log-in.

I feel dirty, but also I think it's funny. He blew hot and cold during our relationship. If he didn't get his way, he could give me the silent treatment or, worse, act like an employer who was disappointed in me, rather than the warm and wonderful guy I met on that weekend date. I'm still renting, believe it or not, and he has his own place. Maybe that's why I put up with it.

Maybe using his streaming services is my payback for that. I'm now anxiously waiting for the next season of "Bridgerton." Is this stealing?

The Ex

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot respond to questions individually.

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By using his passwords, you're hanging onto the coattails of this relationship, as it's a digital form of connection, even intimacy.

Dear Ex,

The clue is in the question, my dear friend, as Lady Whistledown might say.

If you feel "dirty," it's a sign that you are not comfortable logging on as him. There's a lot to rewind here, and I'm not just talking about your subscriptions. You're taking a promenade in a rose garden filled with thorns - forgive my "Bridgerton" evocation. It's time to free yourself of these subscriptions because (a.) neither company permits sharing passwords outside of your own household and (b.) you're remaining attached to your ex-boyfriend by using his passwords.

Using his streaming accounts isn't about theft - unless you're a Netflix shareholder - it's about staying connected to someone you allowed to make you feel less than, controlled by and/or unsure of yourself. That connection, even a digital one, keeps the relationship alive in a way that doesn't serve you. Whether he was manipulative or just emotionally inconsistent, you felt pressured and indebted. Logging out is more about choosing real-life closure than ending digital theft.

From what you say in your letter - and forgive me but I only have your version of events - there was an economic imbalance in the relationship, which led you to (1.) being grateful to have his undivided, if sometimes suffocating, attention, (2.) accepting gifts like perfume after only knowing him a few days, (3.) staying in a relationship that was probably not healthy for you, (4.) using his passwords rather than subscribing to your own streaming services and (5.) hanging onto those passwords.

Every small act of financial independence is a big statement, whether you realize it or not.

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Power dynamics

As a fan of "Bridgerton," you will know that romances happen in a whirlwind phase, followed by grand gestures and declarations of love. In England's Regency era, in the 1800s, women had very little economic power. You feel like you had less economic power in your relationship, and you allowed yourself to be swept off your feet only to discover that the attention and heat of your boyfriend's gaze could be switched on and off at will, depending on your cooperation.

You got love bombed (maybe). It's a primitive but effective tactic identified by psychologists as one used by manipulative or narcissistic people. They identify exactly what it is that you want in life and give it to you tenfold - love, attention, affection, promises and gifts - passwords, even - as a way to show how committed they are to this relationship, and, as you will know from the Netflix show you mentioned, the dream of a life where you will both live happily ever after.

"Breadcrumbing" can take the form of texts or gifts that follow a period of coolness. It could be the offer of another password for Disney (DIS) or Netflix (NFLX) or even the key to his home (if not his heart), which temporarily makes you feel secure in the relationship again. But coming on so strong in those initial days is oftentimes (but not always) a red flag. By using his passwords, you're hanging on to the coattails of this relationship, as it's a digital form of connection, even intimacy.

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Lower-status role

On a practical level, you are also compromised. Aside from the rules on sharing these passwords - you're not the account holder, so why should you care, right? - he can track your viewing habits. Do you want him to see that you're halfway through a particular movie or TV show? Does it show him that you're still financially or emotionally attached to him? It certainly blurs certain boundaries, and does not allow you a healthy and clean break postbreakup.

Power dynamics are complex, and they can be subtle, and even include things like passwords. There's an almost 10-year age difference between you and this gentleman, which may exacerbate the financial disparity between you. He is in his peak earning years and is, I presume, gearing up for retirement in eight years or so. You're still a long way from retirement. Ask yourself why you won't give up his passwords. It can't be to save $7.99 a month.

If someone gives affection and gifts easily, they can withdraw them just as easily. You're putting yourself in a lower-status role by "anxiously" waiting for the next season of "Bridgeton" on your ex-boyfriend's dime. What if he sees you're still using his account and changes his password? How would being unceremoniously locked out make you feel? I suspect that would not feel good. Take your own power back, log out and set up your own account.

Lady Whistledown would approve.

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Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

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'It's been a struggle getting payments from her': I rent a house to our daughter. Do I just gift her the house?

'I have absolutely no idea what to do': I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and inherited $400K. How do I invest it?

'He has become hostile': My mom is in her 80s and has dementia. My brother is blocking access.

'We track our finances religiously': Are we obliged to pay for our daughter's medical school? We have $2.6 million saved for retirement.

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-Quentin Fottrell

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January 11, 2026 11:57 ET (16:57 GMT)

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